Mr. Wumpus, and the Jolly Elves

One day Mr. Wumpus was frolicking in the woods, looking for a good place to have a picnic. It wasn't long before Mr. Wumpus found a nice place full of enchanted trees, that smiled and made everything around them fill with happiness (which you can't say without saying “penis”). Mr. Wumpus laid out a blanket and set his picnic basket down on it. He then sat down next to the picnic basket, and pulled out a plate, and silverware. After that he stood back up and reached into the picnic basket this time pulling out a chain saw. Mr. Wumpus walked over to the happiest of the trees, and started up the chain saw. The saw was so loud that you could hardly hear the tree's screams of agony as Mr. Wumpus slowly and horribly sawed the tree into little pieces. Mr Wumpus took the smallest of the pieces and brought it back to the plate that he had laid out earlier. Mr. Wumpus never cooks his trees, he always likes them more when he can hear them screaming as he is eating them, and thats just what he did.

Now finished with his meal of enchanted tree of happiness, Mr. Wumpus packed up his plate, silverware, and blanket. Then began to stroll back through the woods to “Mr. Wumpus, and the Jolly Elves, inc.” where he works. He smiled as he walked as he could still hear the larger pieces of the tree that he had for lunch scream as they were digested in his tummy. As he got back into town Mr. Wumpus tipped his hat to many people he passed by. Everyone in the town of Happy Ponies was very nice, and everyone knew each other. Mr. Wumpus got back to the office to find that some of the elves were taking an extra long lunch.

“Oh dear.” thought Mr. Wumpus. “Well we had better get everyone back to work” he thought.

Mr. Wumpus went over into his office and came back a moment later with his favorite slave driving whip. Then went back onto the floor where some of the elves were spending their time eating instead of working. The elves saw him, and suddenly made some demands.

“We demand that you pay us for our labor!” said one elf. Some other elves made some encouraging noises. “Also we demand that our work week be reduced to no more then 120 hour. That we can sleep on something other then rusty nails. And finally that we are not chained to our posts.”

Mr. Wumpus stroked his furry purple chin in contemplation. “That does sound fair enough, doesn't it? I have been rather tough on you since the second quarter crunch.”

All the elves released a sigh of relief.

Mr. Wumpus then went and released the lead elf from his chains. And said “Why don't you go ahead and take a little break.”

“Why thank you Mr. Wumpus. You are being very kin...” The elf never finished that sentence as Mr. Wumpus ate him in mid-sentence. The other elves looked on mortified, As their comrade disappeared down Mr. Wumpus's gullet.

“Wow that hunger must have been getting to my mind. Give up free labor? Was I insane for a moment there? Well in any case, all you other elves continue making cookies for all the good people of the town of Happy Ponies.” Said Mr. Wumpus, who proceeded to whip all the elves into submission.

Whipping elves into submission always made Mr. Wumpus need to make use of the evacuation chair. So Mr. Wumpus headed over to the wumpus dumpus room, with a copy of “The Happy Ponies Times” under arm. After a short time and several loud explosion noises, as is common with wumpus evacuation, Mr. Wumpus returned from the wumpus dumpus room. Looking over the working floor he saw that everything was in order. Un-payed elves were carving the skin off enchanted trees to make happy cookies for all the happy people of the town of Happy Ponies. Mr. Wumpus turned the heat up to eighty degrees, after all it isn't called a sweat shop for nothing, and headed home, accompanied by the screams of the elf and tree being slowly digested within him.